Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Aliens Are Among US!!!!

That's right, aliens are here according to Bulgarian Scientists who have been communicating with our inter-galactic neighbors by beaming complex codes into space and reading the replies that are flooding in mostly in the form of crop circles!

Now, I don't deny that crop circles exist and GOD I HOPE they are aliens communicating but... really? Aliens? These uber intelligent beings that have traveled all the way across the unknown universe to communicate with aerial finger paintings in a a field? What I feel is more likely is that a teenage alien has borrowed Mum's UFO for the weekend and popped down to earth to do some doughies. Maybe, build a period while they're here, or play laser wars with the dinosaurs, except that the lasers were real and the dinosaurs were still working on prototypes of defensive shields that, evidently, extinction prohibited them from finishing...

These scientists are saying that we're not smart enough to communicate with the aliens. Fair call, it may be true but I don't really feel that the aliens are doing their bit.... Stephen Hawkins, the smartest man on the planet has worked out a way to communicate with us! I've never seen him doing wheelchair doughnuts in a field, so why hasn't ET found a way to phone home yet!!!
Hawkins is English, his voice activated chair is American - HE'S SO SMART HE'S EVEN WORKED OUT HOW TO CHANGE HIS ACCENT!!!!

Apparently the aliens are everywhere! Watching us! Always! I don't know about you but I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of inter-galactic perverts! Who else are they watching??? No wonder Mars is pulling faces!

The main message they want to communicate, while watching us is that they're not happy with the way we meddle with mother natures processes and interfere with the environment. Fair call, yeah, we've f**ked things up a little down here but I find the whole notion a little hypocritical coming from 'things' that send text messages via crop! If you're so worried about the environment and our treatment of it, leave the wheat alone and get a twitter account! @Outerspace: following; Buzz Lightyear, Neil Armstrong, Bowie.

Apparently, in 10 - 15 years we will be able to chat to aliens, we will be able to communicate with them but not by text, or crop or even tin can telephone... We'll communicate via thought! If that's true, I will be in SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much trouble! Say, for instance, I can clear my head of all the misdemeanors that orbit my cerebellum and I'm a clear thinking, upstanding member of society and space, I still don't want to be making love in 10-15 years getting poked on 'spacebook' by Minerva from Planet X2YZZ. So if you are an alien and you're reading this and thinking of tuning into my thoughts, here they are: You can take Saturn's Rings and Stick Them Up URANUS!!!! You pervert weirdos. (Please don't shoot me with a laser...)